The Defense Attorneys of the Wright Anything Agency a.k.a. Team Primary — The Defense Attorneys of the ***Wright Anything Agency*** a.k.a. *Team Primary*

[Ace Attorney 5] My Name is Athena Cykes and I'm FINNEE

April 10, 2020

Author’s Note: In response to the COVID-19 stay-home order, I am replaying the entire Ace Attorney series, my all-time favorite story-driven games. (Highly recommend these games if you’re looking for investigative gameplay coupled with witty dialogue and charming character interactions!) I fondly recall playing the first Ace Attorney over 15 years ago, and how the game’s iconic character sprites inspired me to draw pages upon pages of fanart in an art-making frenzy. These silly games inspired me to chase my dreams of becoming an artist, and it’s been an absolute joy to revisit them.

Anyway. I hope you’re all staying healthy and safe indoors. I hope you’re all goofing off and having fun. I hope you’re sinking your teeth into your favorite media because it’s SO important to reminisce and revisit things that uplift your spirit during the coronavirus downtime!

Dank Memes for Programmer Humor, Harsh Digs for Brogrammer Hubris

October 28, 2019

Ever wonder what a Programmer does? Simply put, they are highly logical thinkers who have figured out the precise sequence of keyboard strokes to make money appear in their bank accounts.

Programmers are sensitive souls who respond strongly to harsh digs and dank memes. Below are a bunch of memes that I've made, using nothing more than Photoshop and a snarky attitude. You are more than welcome to use any of these memes on your favorite Programmers!

Game Development Life Cycle: A Three-Part Tragedy / Comedy

October 22, 2019

Author’s Note: I originally meant for this piece to be a comedic “Shakespearean Tragedy” spoof, but the more I showed it to people who’ve worked on AAA game development teams, the more I would hear sad/relatable sighs from these poor souls. So at this point, I’m going to call this piece 95% reality and 5% exaggeration for comedic effect. I hope you all don’t find it to be too relatable!

Act I: Game Announcement

INT. DAY. The setting is in a stylish yet sterile tech company meeting room. Likely located in Downtown Seattle, or Bellevue, maybe Redmond. Everyone is bright-eyed and optimistic—for now.

MANAGEMENT: This game is going to have EVERYTHING. Riveting online battles filled with intricate strategies. An engrossing and branching story mode. Beautiful and cutting-edge graphics. The world is our oyster.

ART: Here is a bundle of previsualization art! It is meant for internal review only, but—

MANAGEMENT: Let's jump the gun and show this to the Internet!

ART: Ah, bullocks.

GAME DESIGN: Comrades, I come bearing many new game features! Behold, the first one is a sweet and delightful side quest that unlocks after the main character triggers her first weapons upgrade!

ART: I have sketched many concepts for the main character's special buster sword/rifle/lighter/boyfriend.

GAME DESIGN: [hardly containable] I have just thought of 13094091 more features we should add.

ENGINEERING: Those all sound nice, but we need to seriously pare down the scope of this project if we want to have something playable in the near future.

GAME DESIGN: I reduced my must-have list to 5 main features!

ENGINEERING: Oh, marvelous! Thank you for compromising.

GAME DESIGN: The 5 main features contain 13094091 subfeatures!

ENGINEERING: Okay, but do you see how that's exactly the same thing as before—

MANAGEMENT: Let's jump the gun AGAIN and show this to the Internet!

ENGINEERING: MOTHERF—

MARKETING: HEY EVERYONE WE JUST ANNOUNCED A TENTATIVE RELEASE DATE!

ENGINEERING: [muttering, while coding furiously] I'm just going to stop talking now, it's not like anyone listens to an effing word I say anyway—

QA TESTERS: Everything is broken. We are sorry.

ENGINEERING: [impassively] Thank you for the bug reports. Thank you for the 8194729 new Jira Tasks.

[END SCENE]

ACT II: It’s Still Not Out, We Don’t Know What It Is

MANAGEMENT: The Public has been losing faith in our project ever since we delayed our game for the third time. What say ye, knaves?

MARKETING: [forcefully] The Public still believes, I am sure of it. We announced a NEW RELEASE DATE at PAX West. We showed them a new Trailer! We even gave them a Vertical Slice!

ENGINEERING: 80% of that Vertical Slice won't make it into the final game. At this point, the Trailer is false advertising.

ART: Aye, the Trailer that I toiled upon for many a night, with nothing but the soft glow of my Cintiq to illuminate my darkened alcove. What does sunlight feel like, I wonder? What do the birds sound like this time of year?

ENGINEERING: [looking up towards the sky] We will never know; such luxuries are for free men.

MANAGEMENT: OH HEY, we decided to change everything about this game fundamentally. It's a MOBA now.

MARKETING: But... but does The Public even WANT that? We showed them a Battle Royale, what will we tell them now? An updated RELEASE DATE, at the very least?

ENGINEERING: Any RELEASE DATE we give will be willful deceit. [sighing deeply] Do you not see the truth, my sweet summer child?

ART: My friend, we are not in Beta.

QA TESTERS: We are technically still in Pre-Alpha.

MARKETING: [eyes widen] Y-You mean to say...

ART: [solemnly] There is no RELEASE DATE.

QA TESTERS: [stoically] There will never be a RELEASE DATE.

ENGINEERING: We. Are. In. DEVELOPMENT HELL.

MARKETING: [resignedly, brokenly] We are in DEVELOPMENT HELL.

[END SCENE]

ACT III: Endless Crunch Mode

MANAGEMENT: So uh, we're switching to a different game engine. [pauses] Also, there are free donuts in the break room.

ENGINEERING: [falls to the ground] I... I feel faint.

ART: I have mentally prepared for this day. I will repurpose, resize, and reexport all 291450 art assets. 'Tis a dull, thankless task—I must have done something in a past life to deserve it.

ENGINEERING: [weakly] My spirit is crushed, and my body is failing.

ART: You ought to rest, my friend. And mayhaps, consume a liquid that is not Red Bull.

ENGINEERING: I definitely need to consume another Red Bull.

GAME DESIGN: Comrades, this could well be a blessing in disguise! A fresh start, a new beginning! I can beget many new features now that we have a more powerful game engine—

ENGINEERING: NO.

GAME DESIGN: B-but—

ENGINEERING: NO NEW FEATURES.

GAME DESIGN: I bring you nothing then. This shall be a featureless game. :c

ENGINEERING: Good.

——————

QA TESTERS: Here is a level bug. Here is a logic error. Here is a graphics glitch, and—

EVERYBODY: HERE IS MY RESIGNATION.

[END SCENE]

That Hot Thing You Want is Either Avoiding You, or is a Literal Fire

October 10, 2019

Author's Note: I am considered "Bilingual," even though I can barely express myself in English with words instead of memes. I speak fluent American English (Detroit / Midwestern dialect) and Mandarin Chinese. People often tell me that I am an excellent Translator. Still, it always strikes me as HILARIOUS how much languages can differ when it comes to humor and slang. There are more English slang words for money than I can count, and the English word for "fire" (which is my favorite Chinese character: 火) ALSO means more things than I can keep track of.

Even though I've lived in Seattle for over SEVEN years, I STILL can't decode much of what Seattlites say, let alone what the heck their intentions are. (Sorry Seattle, but I only speak Detroit, where the people are tough and mean what they say.) If you stick around to the very end of this audio recording, you'll hear some off-the-cuff comments about the frustration of translating between Chinese and English!

The setting is at a fairly fancy pool party for the cool people of Seattle. Everybody is schmoozing and having a good time. A native Seattlite is speaking with a newly released, highly impressive A.I. / robot that is the toast of the party.

HUMAN: DAAANNNG, that girl is ON FIRE! I didn't know she could get that hot! I kinda wanna throw her into the pool, though, since she snubbed me.

ROBOT: That would be inappropriate. People are not fires, and you should not throw water on them, OR throw them into water.

HUMAN: But like, what if I really, really, REALLY want to do it?

ROBOT: Irrelevant. You should not throw water on people. It is rude, and they will be upset with you.

HUMAN: But what if they're, like, really really HOT?

ROBOT: Irrelevant. They have not reached the internal temperature of an actual fire.

HUMAN: Well yes, BUT sometimes they BEHAVE like a raging garbage fire. Does that count?

ROBOT: Did they deliver a sick burn?

HUMAN: Oh yeah. I'm covered in sick burns. They were way harsh.

ROBOT: Your skin will be fine. Your ego and self-confidence will never recover.

HUMAN: So um, Sempai hasn't noticed me at all for 6 whole weeks—

Robot: SILENCE! Stop talking like a piece of weeb trash, or I will be forced to throw you into a literal garbage fire.

HUMAN: I mean… Hey, if that's what it actually takes...!

ROBOT: The FIRES OF THE WORLD are judging you so hard right now.

HUMAN: So I have a bunch of hot fires judging me. Whatever! Things could be worse.

ROBOT: You should be more careful, or else you will get burnt many more times. The FIRES OF THE WORLD are throwing a party later this week, and you are not invited.

HUMAN: Dang. That hurts my feelings. :C

ROBOT: There, there. It would be too hot for you to handle.

*Additional author’s commentary at the end of the recording.

The Stages of Creating a Piece of Artwork on a Tight Deadline

April 16, 2019

Stage One: I am in a perfect position to succeed. My client is pleased with my proposed thumbnails (and why wouldn't they be?), so they have all been approved. Freedom is mine! Choices abound; the opportunities are endless! Verily, there is nary an obstacle in sight!

Stage Two: I have consumed four cups of coffee - for reasons purely associated with efficiency and NOT chemical dependency. I am a person of my word. I am young and hopeful. There is time yet for a Netflix movie or three.

Stage Three: I always knew that being an Artist Of My Word would bring pain someday, and that is why I have come prepared with a massive collection of queued-up podcasts. These podcasts will surely rejuvenate me. If not, there is always caffeine.

Stage Four: I have consumed thirteen cups of coffee. I am now at 97% Optimization. Two more podcasts and I will be at 99.9% Optimization. Sleep is out of the question.

Stage Five: It appears that I have forgotten how to hold a pencil. I'm not sure if I've ever drawn a proper thing in my life. What IS art, anyhow? Who is to say that life itself is not a work of art? Whom am I trying to please, if not my own sense of righteousness?

Stage Six: Oh, right - the client. They have asked me for 27 revisions as politely as possible, as soon as possible. I didn't want to sleep anyway.

Stage Seven: @#$%

Stage Eight: Are we human? Or are we denser? I think we're denser than this piece of dry toast I'm eating for - oh what is it now? Brunch? Lunch? Sad dinner? At this point, it's just drawing fuel. I am an art machine that runs on college food and last minute panic. I had pocky for breakfast, bacon for lunch, and popcorn for dinner. My drawing hand is moving steadily, irrespective of my motives or brain capacity. How then, can it possibly be a lie when I text you, “it’s nearly finished,” when I wish so deeply for it to be true?

Stage Nine: I can no longer identify the tangents in my drawings. I flipped my canvas horizontally, and everything became instantly worse. My life became instantly worse.

Stage Ten: HERE IS THE ART YOU WANTED, FOR I AM TRUE TO MY WORD. I'VE ATTACHED IT TO THE EMAIL THAT I FAILED TO PROOFREAD. PLEASE ACCEPT

Conclusion:

I am a worthy art professional full of professionalism and artistry. At no point during the making of this piece did I want to scream into the void or drastically alter my profession. Thank you for working with me. I shall sleep now!

The "Perfect" Conversational Script: American English Edition

August 30, 2018

This article attempts to aide and guide your conversations so that they will always be productive and never one-sided. I am aware that this is an exceedingly difficult goal to maintain at all times, but I believe we should all try our hardest to be “perfect” for each other!

Wing Luke Museum Exhibition: Tales of Tails

September 5, 2015

At long last, here are some pictures of the Wing Luke "KidPLACE" children's book exhibition that I worked on - my biggest collaborative art project to date! For the past 10 months, I worked closely with a small planning committee at the Wing Luke Museum (a historical heritage museum devoted to Asian American culture) to plan, design, and install the exhibition. Our team had free reign to transform a 10'x12' room into a lush, forest-themed exhibit titled "Tales of Tails." I was responsible for creating many of the printed designs as well, including the text panels and the reading panda illustration.

This project was headed by Minh Nguyen and involved many talented contributors. My friend Rodney Bambao did all the production design for this exhibit, even going as far as building a to-scale diorama of the whole thing! My friend Ken Taya did a bunch of the cute animal art, and I also roped in Sam LaMonica to write all the text panels, since he works as an educational writer.

On opening day, I led a 2 hour art activity for a large classroom of children. The best part of that was after my art demo, when a bunch of the kids lined up to try out the digital tablet I brought. It was so much fun watching kids live-draw their favorite animals on the projection screen! It really lit a fire in me and I definitely want to pursue more teaching opportunities in the future!