When I learned that you had won the nomination, I scream-cried like that time I was six years old and Simba’s dad died in the wildebeest stampede while saving his only son so HOW does one not cry
Your overall appearance and presence is that of an Oompah-Loompah if he sold LIES instead of CANDY and terrifying childhood nightmares
WHY MUST YOU EXIST and WHAT THE WHAT is this racist crock of shit that you call a political platform?! Your FACE is a SMUSHED-UP Peter Pettigrew with decidedly less hair, and you are every bit as DUPLICITOUS as he
you lack splendor, you have no integrity to speak of and ALL of your hairs are askew
YOUR ENTIRE DEAL, THE WHOLENESS OF WHAT YOU ARE AND EVERYTHING YOU REPRESENT, I DO NOT LIKE IT I WILL NOT ACCEPT IT I WILL NOT EAT GREEN EGGS AND HAM. ARE YOU EFFING SERIOUS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?? HOLY SHITSNACKS WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE WHO SUPPORT YOU ARRGGGHHHH
SO HELP ME GOD I will vanquish you with the strength and fortitude of a dozen Studio Ghibli female characters
Like gurl I get it and I’m TOTES disappointed too (don’t kill me Rawddy) that Bernie Sanders is out of the running
But aren’t we ALL disappointed that modern Political Discourse is so polarized that RATINGS and SHOCK VALUE now trump (pun not intended) basic REASON and HUMAN DECENCY?
On the other hand, we’re kind of low on options and time so this is going to become a State of National Emergency if we can't collectively decide to oust a fuck-stupid blonde orangutan from the Presidency
I mean yeah I get that Hilary Clinton’s a Politician Who Says All The Right Things, but come on guys wouldn’t a first-ever female president be at least pretty friggin' cool
LIKE WOULD SHE NOT BE AT LEAST PREFERABLE TO “THE DONALD"
we must, WE MUST band together and vote against The Donald (no, NOT that cool duck that hung out with Sora in Kingdom Hearts, this Donald is more like that other duck who swam in money like a miser-hoarder)
we must band together or be in a band together or throw a party so we can work out how to prevent The Donald Presidency
and we can play eight-person Smash Bros and fight over possession of the Super Smash Power-up
and we can loudly sing the lyrics to Barenaked Ladies’ “One Week” like every nerdy teenager in the 90s
CHICKITY CHINA THE CHINESE PEOPLE HATE YOU DONALD TRUMP BECAUSE YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT CHINA AS IF YOU KNOW THINGS BUT YOU DON'T
YOU KNOW NOTHING JON SNOW, I MEAN DONALD TRUMP
YOU KNOW NOTHING AND YOU WILL NOT WIN, YOU CAN NOT WIN OR ELSE I AM BOARDING THE FIRST BOAT FROM SEATTLE TO VICTORIA, BC AND RENOUNCING THE U.S. CITIZENSHIP THAT MY CHINESE-BORN FIRST-GENERATION IMMIGRANT FAMILY FOUGHT TIRELESSLY FOR OVER 15 FREAKING YEARS
...… *mic drop*
Edit after 11/8/2016: To inject the tiniest amount of humor on an awful result, I feel like this clip from The Venture Bros. best sums up how I feel, as a Henchman: "Wow... that sucked."